


Stiles is the Worst Vampire

by churkey



Series: Stiles is the Worst Vampire [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek Hale, Blood Drinking, Crack, Crossover, Fluff, Future Fic, Getting Together, M/M, Sterek Bingo 2020, Vampire Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churkey/pseuds/churkey
Summary: “Wait, what? Why did you never tell me about vampires before? I mean, I figured they existed but hadn’t spent too much time researching it. Too busy with other things. So they were evil? That sucks. I’m not really looking forward to being evil. A part of me worries that I’ll be terrible at it. But I’m more worried that I’d be great at it. Wait, stop confusing me! I’m not going to eat you! Or be evil!” Stiles was offended and kind of hurt.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Stiles is the Worst Vampire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921405
Comments: 38
Kudos: 440





	Stiles is the Worst Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'turning' square of Sterek Bingo 2020.
> 
> I have started working on a single fic that'll try to hit all the squares but I had to write this. Air out one of my biggest gripes about vampire lore in Buffy.

When Stiles came awake he was _pissed_.

He almost wished he had a moment of disorientation instead of being perfectly aware of where he was and what had happened.

Some asshole vampire had _turned_ him.

He was _not_ going to let her get away with it. He looked around and several pieces of wood would work quite nicely as an emergency stake.

Christ, but he was _thirsty_. Because he needed to drink blood. Blood!

He’d gotten better with blood and gore from his lifestyle but it still made him feel a little faint.

Now he was going to have to drink the shit.

The door to this grimy basement opened and he heard the steps of his… sire? Was that the right word? Actually, who cared? Bitch was going to be _dust_.

He had to admit that the enhanced senses were nice. Especially since they didn’t come with the control problems that plagued werewolves.

Silver linings or some shit.

Heh. Silver.

He was on his vampire maker in a flash and pushing the stake in her heart before she managed to say anything. Only the foolish gave out warnings.

And, yeah, okay. He could get used to the speed and strength.

Time to get out of here and get home. Because he wasn’t going back to college when he couldn’t even go out in daylight.

* * *

Stiles made it back to Beacon Hills in a few hours.

He’d gleefully looted his maker’s lair – and it really couldn’t have been called anything but a lair. It was dank, gross, and way too similar to the old Hale house.

He didn’t know if she’d been old or what, but she sure had a lot of cash and jewels hanging around. Enough that he wouldn’t have to mooch off his dad as he figured out what to do with his unlife.

Stiles was still hungry. Or thirsty. Whatever.

So far it was tolerable. Well, okay, not really. But he’d stopped for some curly fries and been delighted that he could still eat. It hadn’t done anything for his hunger but at least he wasn’t facing down an eternity with no curly fries.

Some fates really were worse than death.

Stiles debated where he should go. Going to his dad’s was out. He wouldn’t be home and, well, it really wasn’t a great idea to just show up as a vampire.

Fuck. Maybe he _would_ have to go there. He wouldn’t need an invitation, would he?

Derek.

Horrible supernatural shit goes down, the first thing you do is go to your alpha.

* * *

He decided to test his stealth. With no heartbeat, it was quite possible he could sneak up on Derek. Or at least his door.

Because he’d need an invitation.

Wow, he could hear Derek’s heartbeat so knew he was home. Sleeping it sounded like.

Stiles actually managed to move silently and quickly up the stairs.

He banged on that noisy steel door and listened as Derek’s heart sped up and footsteps quickly approached.

The door slid open quickly to reveal a shirtless Derek red-eyed and wolfed out. Ready to _fight_.

It was really hot.

Had Derek always smelled this good? Because Stiles’ mouth was _watering_. Part of it was the blood but a lot of it was _Derek_.

“Hey, Derek. What’s up?” Stiles tried to be as casual as he could.

“ _Stiles_. Why isn’t your heart beating? Why do you smell like death?” Derek growled.

“Well… that’s a funny story. See, this vampire chick totally grabbed me last night and turned me into a vampire. Hilarious, huh?” Stiles tried for a cheeky grin.

Derek went fully human. He was watching Stiles carefully, “Why are you here?”

“Because you’re my alpha? You’re my alpha and something supernaturally bad happened so I came to you? Dude, are you going to let me in? I need to be invited,” Stiles tried for puppy eyes. Could you pull off puppy eyes if you were the evil undead?

“Really. And you’re not here to kill me? I’ve met vampires before, Stiles. They’ve all been vicious killers. It’s also well known that vampires usually kill their friends and families first,” Derek flatly stated.

“Wait, what? Why did you never tell me about vampires before? I mean, I figured they existed but hadn’t spent too much time researching it. Too busy with other things. So they were evil? That sucks. I’m not really looking forward to being evil. A part of me worries that I’ll be terrible at it. But I’m more worried that I’d be great at it. Wait, stop confusing me! I’m not going to eat you! Or be evil!” Stiles was offended and kind of hurt.

Derek rolled his eyes, “Come in.”

“Derek! Why are you always so careless about your safety!? You _just_ told me that vampires were evil monsters who killed everything they loved! And here you are letting me into the loft? You’ve been doing so well with not taking ridiculous risks and martyring yourself. So what if I was pack while I was alive? You can’t just let me in to eat you?” Stiles was practically shouting at Derek.

Derek was just standing there with a raised brow until Stiles trailed off, “I love you too, Stiles.”

“What? No, _what_? You’re telling me this after I _die_? Rude! Wait. Why are you telling me that? Is it because you’re going to kill _me_ before I can drain you of all your delicious blood?” Stiles narrowed his eyes at Derek. Not sure how he felt about Derek killing him. On the one hand, he was the evil undead and should probably be stopped. On the other hand, he wanted to explore this whole love thing a bit more.

“You told me you loved me first. And I’m not going to kill you,” Derek rolled his eyes _again_. The utter asshole.

“When did I say that?” Stiles demanded.

“You said, and I quote, ‘you just told me that vampires were evil monsters that killed everything they loved’. If you’re here to kill me, it means you must love me,” Derek was being _cold_ with his logic and shit.

“Whatever. Fine. I love you. Big deal. I’m dead so I’m thinking that ship has sailed,” Stiles petulantly said.

Suddenly Derek was _there_ cupping his face with his warm, _alive_ hands and _kissing_ him.

It was _amazing_. Derek was still a jerk for waiting until he died but better late than never, right?

* * *

They made out until Stiles was too distracted by hunger.

“I’m sooo hungry. I haven’t eaten _anything_ and I’m really not looking forward to the whole blood thing,” Stiles groaned as he rolled off Derek.

“You haven’t eaten since you turned? No blood?” Derek sounded amazed.

“Well, no. I killed my maker and drove here. No time for blood,” Stiles said.

“You’re a very strange vampire. Newly turned vampires are usually mindless with hunger. Having to be closely watched and controlled by their sire for at least a few years,” Derek told him.

“Huh,” Stiles shrugged, “it hasn’t been hard. But my stomach is started to cramp with hunger. Don’t feel more inclined to jump the next person and suck them dry. Unless we’re talking about your dick.”

Derek groaned, “I did this to myself. You want to drink from me?”

Stiles gaped, “You want me to drink your _blood?_ _Why?_ ”

“You need to eat. I regenerate blood a lot faster than a human,” Derek said sounding perfectly nonchalant.

“Gross but okay. I’ll try it. Maybe from the wrist? The neck seems too intimate,” Stiles said. Derek raised his wrist to Stiles’ mouth.

Stiles didn’t actually know how it works. How to make his fangs grow.

But as he inhaled over Derek’s wrist he could _smell_ the blood moving beneath his skin. It just smelled _so good_.

He felt something shift in his face. His mouth suddenly had more teeth.

He bit gently, though. And, god, the taste was better than any curly fry he’d ever eaten.

He savoured it. Drank slowly.

Only a few mouthfuls before he felt sated. Not full. But enough that the hunger faded.

He felt like he’d drunk eleven espressos.

“I wonder if alpha blood is special or something because that was amazing. And I feel like I could run around the preserve five times without getting tired,” Stiles sighed with satisfaction.

He opened his eyes to Derek’s burning crimson ones.

Stiles froze for a moment before Derek pounced on him and they proceeded to have some very energetic and enthusiastic sex.

* * *

Derek’s loft was practically made of windows. But his room had blackout curtains. It’s where he’d have to spend the day.

Or that was the plan until someone started banging on the door.

Stiles listened as Derek slid the door open. A fight immediately broke out.

Without thinking he vaulted down to the main floor and jumped in.

A _sixteen-year-old girl_ was fighting Derek. And actually doing a decent job of holding her own.

It shifted quickly once he joined.

Mostly because she stopped fighting out of shock.

Derek had her pinned and chained up within moments.

“Dude, you totally ruined the afterglow,” Stiles groused.

She hadn’t stopped staring. Derek was staring.

“What?” he asked looking around.

“You’re standing in the sunlight, Stiles,” Derek said slowly.

“I am?” Stiles looked down at the sunshine on his skin, “Shit! I am. Why aren’t I burning up? Isn’t that supposed to be a thing?”

“It should be impossible,” the girl said.

“Who are you, anyway? What’s up with busting in and starting fights? And shouldn’t you be in school?” Stiles asked.

“I’m a slayer. I felt a vampire come into town,” she glared.

Derek sighed, “I didn’t know there was a slayer in town. Why haven’t I seen you before?”

“You don’t hurt humans and do a good job of handling problems,” she shrugged, “I wanted to have a normal high school experience before devoting my life to killing vampires.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Stiles said.

“ _Yet_. Vampires don’t have souls! It’s why they just kill without conscience. Why they can’t stand in the sun or see their reflection. Take the cross out of my pocket, it’ll burn you because you don’t have a soul!” She exclaimed.

Stiles was curious so he dug it out. It didn’t burn.

“You don’t make sense! What you’re doing shouldn’t be _possible_!” She was shouting.

“It’s not me that doesn’t make sense. The whole vampire/soul thing doesn’t make sense! Like, okay, I get that I need to drink blood and I’m dead or whatever. But if the whole sunlight, mirrors, and crucifixes thing are about souls, that’s easy,” Stiles shrugs, “I don’t believe in souls. You can’t lose something that doesn’t exist.”

“There are a couple of vampires who’ve had their souls returned. They’re the only good ones. Witches have _held_ souls in their hands,” she argued.

“You know, I was once told that belief is fundamental to magic. Maybe all that happened because they believe in souls. I don’t know. But it’s ridiculous to argue that not having a soul means you lack morals or a conscience. I also flat out refuse to believe that Christians are the ones who got it right. Either way, _I_ don’t believe in souls. Which means I couldn’t have lost mine. Since it doesn’t exist,” he finished.

The slayer was practically frothing with indignant rage.

“And, well, isn’t this proof enough?” Stiles gestured to his non-flaming body standing in the sun, one hand still holding the crucifix.

She couldn’t argue with that and eventually left grumbling threats and deprecations against his character.

“Well, that was fun. But, hey! I don’t have to quit college! That’ll totally soften the blow when I tell my dad I’m the not-so-evil undead,” Stiles fist pumped.

“You’re ridiculous. It figures you’d be the worst vampire,” Derek said.

Stiles almost got mad until he saw the twinkle in his eye.

He decided to retaliate with more energetic sex.


End file.
